I hate the mirror. Really, really hate it. Actually, if I'm perfectly honest, I hate the reflection in the mirror. This is not a news flash. I know I'm not happy with what I see but I didn't realize how uncomfortable it makes me to look in the mirror until today.
I was at physical therapy doing my exercises in front of a wall full of mirrors. Basically, my version of hell. Exercising and mirrors. What sadist came up with this one?..LOL Anyway, I noticed that I don't look at myself while I'm doing the exercise which is the entire point of having the wall of mirrors. So you can see what you are doing and how you are doing it. I look everywhere but at me. I look at other people, focus on objects, and even let my eyes go completely unfocused so I don't have to see what's right in front of me. I hate my fat, flabby arms. I despise my big legs. And please, oh please, don't let my shirt come up over my stomach. I spend so much time pulling my shirt down that it takes me longer to do some of the exercises than it should. I can't wait for the exercises to be over so I can escape from that big girl in the mirror.
I tried to make myself stare at my reflection and I just couldn't do it. My eyes went sideways, up or down. Anywhere but straight ahead. Seeing me, looking at me, made me very uncomfortable. My gaze would stay straight ahead for a few seconds and then veer off. I tried again and again. But I kept looking away. In those few seconds when I would actually look at my reflection, I could see every single physical flaw that I have....every bump, lump, wrinkle, and sag.
I thought about this on the way home and it dawned on me that I am my worst critic. I am so mean to myself. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way I treat myself. This behavior says a lot about me. I haven't come as far as I think I have mentally, emotionally or physically. I'm still that fat little girl who really doesn't like herself. It's time to change this behavior. To change how I feel about the woman in the mirror. I just need to figure out how.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
I hate the mirror. Really, really hate it. Actually, if I'm perfectly honest, I hate the reflection in the mirror. This is not a news flash. I know I'm not happy with what I see but I didn't realize how uncomfortable it makes me to look in the mirror until today.
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 7:15 PM
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Discipline...the big "D" in my world. A friend of mine (who is in fantastic shape) mentioned that it's all about discipline. That has been going around and around and around my little brain. I decided to look it up and here is the definition according to Webster.
Discipline - a way of behaving that shows a willingness to obey rules or order
Now see that last part...the part about obeying rules? That's where you lost me. I hate being told what to do. Ask my dear husband or my parents. I hate it more than anything and being the contrary soul that I am, I will do the exact opposite of what I'm told to do. Have I mentioned I have issues?...LOL Seriously, I even hate being told what to do by myself. I want to rebel against everything and prove them all wrong. I know that eating a salad is better than a burger. That yogurt is a better choice than ice cream. That everything is good for you in small amounts. Etc., etc. All the healthy eating rules. I know them. You don't get to be my size without knowing what you should do. It's the doing it that is the problem. I want to do what I want to do and still have it work out.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. I put on a pair of pants this morning and they were way too tight. Pants that fit me not more than two weeks ago. I'm up a total of 20 lbs from my lowest weight after surgery. WTH?!!! What is wrong with me? I am my own worst enemy. This morning was a huge wake up call. Everything I've fought for and all the progress I've made is going to be lost if I don't get my stuff together.
I need discipline. Ew, just typing that made me shiver. But I know it's what I need. It's time to suck it up and admit that the rules are there for a reason. They make sense even though the little brat inside of me just rebels at the thought of it. I know that following the rules will get me to my goals. I still want to lose 75 lbs. I want to see that scale move down. I want to fit into smaller clothes. I want to be healthier and get back to being fit. I keep trying to do it but trying isn't good enough. I need to just DO IT!!! I need the discipline to keep on track, to eat right, to make good choices and to work out daily again. I used to be able to do this. I just hate that I HAVE to do it. Gosh, I am a mess...LOL
I can't exercise the way I want to because of my back but I CAN DO SOMETHING!! I can track my food again (which I started today). I will also start getting up early and working out before work. Yep, I said it. It's out there now. Starting tomorrow, I will get up at 5am and do Piyo, TurboJam, or TurboFire. I may not be able to go all out but I can still move.
Let it begin...the discipline starts today!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 8:05 PM
Friday, April 11, 2014
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 8:05 PM
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 7:58 PM
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 7:47 PM
Saturday, March 29, 2014
I started the first month of my 3 month hybrid workout schedule using my very favorite workouts - TurboFire and ChaLEAN Extreme. Both of these workouts were created by Chalene Johnson who is an amazing fitness expert and coach. I fell in love with her workouts. They are motivating and fun. Yes, I said exercise was fun. Please don't faint. LOL
ChaLEAN Extreme uses resistance training to build lean muscle and the more lean muscle you have the more fat you burn. And I have a ton of fat to burn!!
TurboFire is the most fun I've ever had exercising. It is a cardio conditioning program. You jump, punch, and kick to great music. Plus, it is a great stress reliever. Just imagine their face every time you punch...LOL
And they both have Chalene in them. I find her so inspiring and yes, I feel like she is talking directly to me. I actually catch myself answering back sometimes...LOL
The schedule I created alternates resistance training and cardio including HIIT workouts. I'm hoping that this will shake things up for me and get the scale moving in the right direction.
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 12:48 PM
Friday, March 28, 2014
The old saying "Time flies when you're having fun" is definitely true. Actually, it just seems to fly by whether I'm having fun or not. It's been almost a year since I've written on this blog or even thought about it. So much has changed during that time (which I'll get into during later posts) and some things have stayed the same. Like my weight. Oh yes, the dreaded "w" word. I'm at 240 lbs. Just two lbs less than I was a year ago when I was last here. Not really encouraging. Actually, it's pretty depressing. 2 lbs in a year?!!! That's it?!! All this working out and that's all I get?!! How sad. It's 1 1/2 years after surgery and I'm not at goal. And I don't have 5, 10, or even 20 lbs to go. I have 65 lbs to reach goal.
That little fat girl inside me is alive and well and doing her happy dance. You remember her, right? She is the negative part of me that says I will always be fat, I will always be unhealthy, and I will always be a loser. A great big fat loser. She started jumping for joy in my head because she was right and I was wrong. I can't do this. I'll never be able to do this.
Now I can let her win. Let her drag me back down. I can stop working out. Stop trying to eat right...still working on that one. I can do that. Or I can prove the little witch wrong. Sure, I'm only 2 lbs down from a year ago but you know what else that means? It means I've kept 104 lbs off for over a year!! That is a victory. That is awesome. I haven't gained it all back plus some like I normally did. I even got down to 227 at one point and I can do it again. I'm healthier than I've been in years. I can move around for 55 minutes doing TurboFire workouts and burn almost 600 calories during that time. I can jump (both feet off the ground at the same time people!!). I can walk for 2 miles and feel just fine. I'm heading to Vegas in a week and I'm looking forward to walking all over the strip and seeing the hotels because I can. I can paint my own freaking toes!! I am able do things I haven't been able to do for years. I've come too far to let her win.
Yes, I am at the point in my journey where the weight doesn't just fall off. I have to struggle and believe me, I earn every single pound I lose. And you know what? That makes it mean that much more. Each pound I lose, each size I drop, each time I can move faster, walk farther, all that means that much more because I have to work hard at it. I am proving to myself and that little fat girl inside that I CAN DO THIS!! It will take time. It will take hard work. This is not an easy journey for the fainthearted. This is a journey for the fighter inside me. Not that little fat girl. She can bite me!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:21 PM
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
How much exercise is enough? That is my dilemma. I've worked out 18 of the past 21 days. That is amazing for me. Today, I'm feeling yucky. My throat hurts, I'm tired, I just want to lay down. But I keep thinking I have to exercise when I get home. I feel this intense need to exercise and this immense amount of guilt if I take a day off. My entire day is taken up with this "should I, shouldn't I" argument that keeps playing in my head. I never thought I would have this kind of problem. I have to actually talk myself into taking a rest day...LOL As of right now, I'm going to rest when I get home. Who knows how many times that will change between now and then...LOL
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 3:17 PM
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I have completed 15 days of my 90 day challenge. I've worked out 13 of the 15 days. I can't believe it. I'm still amazed because this is so different for me. But I have to admit, I'm definitely falling in love with exercising. Such a weird thing for me to say...LOL I've even upped the exercise from what they have listed for the day. For example, day 15 was supposed to be the Pump & Burn 30 minute workout. That just isn't enough. I don't feel like I've completely worked out. So I changed it to the 55 minute workout and I loved every extra minute of it. Tonight is the Combat 60. I've never done that one so I'm excited to see if I can hang. I'm actually looking forward to being a sweaty, exhausted mess. Life takes some pretty weird turns, huh?
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:03 AM
Monday, April 8, 2013
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Sunday, March 31, 2013
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 7:01 PM
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Today I did something I didn't think was possible. I broke the 100 lb mark. I'm so excited. I have officially lost 102 lbs!! To me this is absolutely amazing and unbelievable. I never though I would get here. It seemed like such a long road. But I'm actually doing it. Making the changes necessary to change my life and to get healthy. Only 67 lbs to go to reach my goal. I can't wait to get there!!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 1:20 PM
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 7:11 PM
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 7:01 PM
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
- Being able to ride on the rides at Disneyland with my children. The first time I've been able to do that ever!! I am not ashamed to say I cried on Dumbo...LOL And so did my mom when she saw me.
- Getting up off the floor unassisted - sounds silly but when you can't do it for years and finally can, trust me the tears of joy start.
- Riding my bike and finally not feeling like I'm going to fall if I go too slow.
- Being able to play with my kids physically. To run and walk to the park. To enjoy the time with them.
- Wearing heels again all day at work. I've missed that so much!
- Riding on an airplane for the first time in over 7 years and being able to fit in the seat without an extender for the seat belt. I was so nervous on the way to the airport and the relief when I realized I fit was incredible.
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 8:57 PM
Monday, March 5, 2012
We all know that old saying..."Time flies when you're having fun". I guess I've been having lots of fun because I can't believe it has been over a year since I last posted. I was shocked when I saw that. And during that year a lot has happened...not too much with my weight but definitely with life in general.
My son started kindergarten, is in his second year of T-ball, and seems to have the mouth and attitude of a 15-year old. Yep, 6 going on 15. At this rate he will be lucky to make 15...LOL
My daughter is growing by leaps and bounds and will be starting kindergarten this year. She is a little fashionista who is so much more girly than her mother. She is quite the chatterbox with a huge vocabulary. People are usually surprised when they find out she is only 4.
My better half is working two jobs now trying to transition into a field that offers more room for growth. It's been rough on all of us but definitely hardest on him since one of those jobs involves walking miles each day. But he hangs in there with the hope that one day, it will all be worth it.
Me? I'm still a work in a progress. One that seems to stall more often than not but I still strive to move forward. I'm doing the usual balancing act of all working moms - job, kids, husband, home, all while trying to find some time for me. I've gotten a little better at that. Finally put my little Fred Flintstone foot down and demanded that we found some little tiny bit of space for me in our house. (It's amazing how much room two kids and a husband can take over when you let them...LOL) I created a little oasis in my bedroom for me. A space where I can create and just spend a little time doing something I enjoy. In doing this, I've rediscovered my love for creating greeting cards. The papers, the stamps, the colors, the textures, the stickers, brads, eyelets, tools....all of it used to create something beautiful. An expression of me. Needless to say, I took this on with my usual one track mind and I've gotten quite the head start on Christmas cards this year.
Best part of restarting an old hobby, has been that it keeps me busy and out of the refrigerator...well, most of time. Which brings me to the dreaded weight topic. You know the topic I started this blog about two years ago. I haven't made much progress but I haven't gained anything back either. I've been balancing at about a 56 lb weight loss. I've done other diets and exercise plans during the last year trying to move forward. I've done the Dukan diet (worked great until boredom hit), protein drinks, fasting. Each one of these periods are followed by my usual "Nothing is ever going to work" phase where I eat everything in sight. Luckily for me, I've already gotten rid of all my 3X and size 26 clothes so I can't let that phase go on too long or I'll have to go to work naked. A sight no one wants to see...LOL
Exercising has come and gone..and come and gone. I joined a gym. Went for a few months and then stopped again. The Wii and bike riding also went by the wayside. I have such a hard time staying on track with one thing. I have a friend who looks phenomenal! She gets up every morning to attend Boot Camp at 5am. I admire her resolve and can see the results but that doesn't seem to motivate me. I'm not sure what is going to do that again.
I was thinking that maybe blogging again will help. Blogging about everything and not just weight. Maybe it will bring my enthusiasm for this journey back...reinvigorate me. Maybe...I guess we will see.
PS - Please forgive any typos or mistakes. I was typing this while a 4 year old jumped around me like a monkey....grrr. I guess it is time to feeding time at the zoo...LOL
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 5:42 PM
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Hi. I know it's been quite a while. Kinda lost me again. Dealing with depression, a new job, my husband and kids...you know "life". And during that time, I forgot to take care of me. Actually, I didn't forget. I just plain didn't want to. See, that is the thing with depression. It makes me feel like I just don't matter. So, I skip exercising, eat a bunch of crap, and feel more miserable every day. Every single day is a fight...one I keep losing. Losing to the tune of a 10 lb gain. Yep, I gained weight back. Big surprise, huh?...No not really. I tend to do that. Get bored, get depressed, and lose focus on my goals. But the up side is that it's only 10 lbs and not the full 50 I lost. Or God forbid, even more. Been there and done that too.
But, now I'm feeling a little better. Not sure why. Maybe those crazy chemicals in my brain have gotten straightened out for a bit. Maybe I'm feeling more comfortable in my new job. Maybe the stars have aligned just right. Who the heck knows? All I truly know is that I need to take advantage of this feeling while I've got it.
I've changed things a little. Trying to shake up my routine and make this journey exciting again. I've cancelled my WW membership. Yeah, I know, I know. I kept extolling the virtues of WW and I did love it. But I'm not too keen on their new plan and just couldn't seem to wrap my head around it. I've moved on to a new and pretty straight forward plan. I'm going to burn more calories than I eat in a day. Yep, really complicated, huh?...LOL But that is basically what losing weight boils down to, right? I'm using an online site called Lose It (www.loseit.com). It's free (yippee!!) and my cousin-in-law, Jon, has been using it and is doing really well. I mean really, really, really well. Over 50 lbs and counting. Go Jon!!
Back to the website. It's really easy to use and it's sort of like a social network. You can add "friends", make comments, etc. It's great for motivation and support.
I've also changed up the exercising. I just can't seem to keep to a schedule these days. Let's face it, "Mom" always comes last and finding time for myself is really difficult. The more I tried to structure my exercise routine, the more depressed I got each time I missed it and eventually just said "Forget it." So easy to do say. Way too easy for me to say and do. The change I'm making is to exercise when I can using the Wii. Not on a schedule but when I can squeeze it in. And I've added bike riding to my routine. I recently acquired a beautiful black and pink beach cruiser. I just love it and the benefits of bike riding far exceed the physical for me. I take off down the street and I feel all the stress just fall off my shoulders. I feel free and like a kid. Even if just for 10-20 minutes. I forgot how much I loved riding bikes when I was a kid. I did it all the time and that sort of just went away as I got older. Now I'm rediscovering the pleasure of bike riding. And doing it in style on my cruiser. :-)
So, that's the latest and greatest with me. I'm trying still. But as a friend recently reminded me, it is a life change not a quick fix. And I am most definitely just a work in progress.
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 8:40 PM
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I know I did and the scale can attest since I have gained 2 lbs over the holidays. And I'm okay with it. I admit I had some candy and cookies..okay, I had a lot of candy and cookies. And every single bit was delicious. The holiday season is baking season in my family. All my aunts, my mom and this year even I hit the kitchen. I was able to pass on the family tradition of decorating sugar cookies to my children and even tried out a new recipe for Cracker Candy. To die for!! I can't seem to get through Christmas without having some goodies and quite frankly I don't want to. It's part of our tradition and it's usually items that I only get to have once a year. So, I'm giving myself a pass. It was only 2 lbs which considering the circumstances, isn't that bad.
On to the new year and the continuation of this journey! I'm hoping to lose an additional 100 lbs this year. Yep, that is my goal. It may be lofty but I'm going to try. We are planning a trip to Disneyland the week after Christmas and I'd love to be able to get on all the rides without freaking out or worrying if I'll fit the whole time. I want to be able to really enjoy myself and enjoy the time with my family. Being healthy and in better shape will definitely make that possible.
I'm also going to do the Wharf-to-Wharf in Santa Cruz on July 24th with my Mom and my sister. Another goal I want to meet and something else to strive towards. I'm still trying to convince the hubby to do it with me....maybe....
I've started fresh this week. The holiday munchies are gone and forgotten. I'm back on my WW again and today I restarted (again!) my 3 week challenge on EA Sports Active 2. I'm going to work out 4 days a week again. Yep, I know. "Here she goes again." But as long as I keep restarting and don't give up, I'm on my way to winning the battle. I've finally figured out a way to fit exercise nto my schedule now that I'm working outside the house again. It took forever but it's finally working out. Seems like I lost some of my time management skills while I was unemployed. Really didn't have to worry about time when I had plenty of it..LOL
I'll check back in on Saturday when the scale comes to call! Have a fun week!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 6:31 PM
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Imagine my delight and surprise when I got on the scale and read the number 294! Most people would not be happy with that number but since I started at 344, I'm thrilled! 50 lbs of fat is gone, gone, gone! I'm over the moon excited and feel like everything is coming together for me lately.
I started a new job on Monday after 13 months of unemployment. I really love this job so far and I'm so much happier than I have been since I started working again. The stress is gone which allows me to enjoy my life and my family again.
I'm still working on getting exercise back into my schedule. It's really hard now that I'm working especially since I have to cook dinner, clean the kitchen and get the kids ready for bed by 8pm each night. I want to start getting up early in the morning so I can exercise before work. It's just really hard because I do love my sleep. But I also know that exercising is really important and I need to make time for it. And by making time for exercising, I'm making time for ME!
Here are my goals for the upcoming week:
Get up early and exercise Monday through Thursday
Take it easy on the Christmas cookies and candies
Limit my egg nog intake this year to just Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (I do love egg nog!)
And most importantly, enjoy the holidays and being with my family.
My next weigh-in day is Christmas morning so I may be late with the update. I'm sure you can all forgive me...LOL
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friends! Love to you all!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 10:46 AM
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
This week I finally had a loss again. 3 lbs gone!! I'm so excited! Looking back at this week, I can see where I did make some improvements in my eating and exercise routine that would account for the weight loss. I also know I wasn't perfect about eating and went over my WW points on quite a few days so the potential to do better is definitely there.
The new WW PointsPlus system is HARD!! Maybe it would be easier if I hadn't been doing their previous system and came into this fresh. Right now, I'm just having a hard time adjusting my thinking on point values for food. I had pretty much a set idea of what I could eat and how much of it but that has all changed. Now, I have to check all point values again and measurements to make sure I'm doing everything right on this program. While it is soooo hard to change, I think this is exactly what my body needed so I can get back in the saddle and continue my journey. I needed to shake it up and boy did I...LOL
Also, my new exercise game, EA Sports Active 2, is super hard. I'm definitely working out harder than I did on the earlier versions. Lots of jumping in this one which is definitely not a favorite of mine. Do you know how much effort it takes to move 296 lbs up in the air?..LOL Trust me, it's a lot! But I am doing it and the results are speaking for themselves with my 3 lbs weight loss.
Now the holidays are approaching and I have to keep this up so I'm ready for them. Good luck to all of you on your journey during this holiday season!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 12:24 PM
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Today's weigh-in wasn't a happy moment. I've gained 2 lbs. Pretty annoyed with myself but not all that surprised. I was an eating fool over Thanksgiving and now I'm paying the price.
But I won't let this setback deter me. I'm back on plan and going to stay there! Hopefully, after a full week on the new WW plan and exercising, I'll have a significant weight loss next week. I went grocery shopping yesterday and stocked up on lots of delicious fruits, veggies and healthy snacks so I'm fully armed and ready for battle!!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 8:48 AM
Monday, November 29, 2010
Hi, everyone. You may have noticed that it's been about 4 weeks since my last post. I took a break from everything. Eating healthy, exercising, blogging...all of it. A friend of mine put it best when I explained it to her. She said that I needed to "recharge" and that's how I feel. I was getting bored. Everything felt stagnant and I was ready to quit all together. The plan was to take two weeks off to get my head together. Those two weeks stretched into 4. I was having a hard time finding my enthusiasm for this journey I started. I needed to reassess my goals and my life. To "recharge"
I did and I decided that it is a journey that I just can't afford to cut short. I need to keep going. The amount of weight I lost so far is a huge amount and I don't want to lose the progress I've already made. I figured that I better get back into those good habits now before the Christmas holiday starts. Because I love all those holiday cookies and candies. Ohmigosh, the fudge alone will kill me..LOL
Now the good news is that during my 4 week break, I didn't gain anything. I actually lost a pound!! I think that was just that some of the habits I had learned during my journey stuck with me even when I didn't want them.
Today I started the new WW program call PointsPlus. It's different and is really promoting protein over carbs now. Good point is that fruit is now 0 points. Yippee!! But it will be an adjustment because all of the high fiber items I was eating at 1 point each are now 3 points. But, you know, this may be the best thing for me. It will force me to change the way I eat and shake up my metabolism. And I could really use that! I mean, who couldn't, right?..LOL
I also started the EA Sports Active 2 game for the Wii today. My sister, Shawna, and brother-in-law, Victor, shelled out the $99 to buy me that for my birthday. Isn't that the sweetest thing?!! This version of the game comes with a leg band and an arm band that track your movements which frees your hands up. No more controllers and wires to get in the way. So happy!! You do have to use the controller on just a few of the 70 plus exercises the game offers but I can live with that. It's a huge improvement over the previous version. And to top it off, the arm band contains a heart monitor. You can watch your heart on the TV with the game. You can also workout with people online, join workout groups online, etc. It's a whole new world of exercise and I'm so excited about it.
It seems to me that the new WW plan and the new game came out at just the right time. I needed a change. I needed motivation. I needed something to shake me up and I think they will do it.
Don't you all think a 10 lbs loss for Christmas sounds like a great present from Santa?
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 3:28 PM
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I actually forgot to weigh in yesterday. Truly forgot. What does this mean? Am I giving up already? Has this lost some importance in my life? Am I over this journey? Nah, I think it just meant I was busy worrying about being unemployed, money, my son getting in trouble in preschool and all the other normal day to day worries of the average woman.
But back to the weight issue. I gained 2 lbs!! Ugh. So annoyed. And I blame Halloween ergo the title of this post...LOL I love sweets and having candy around the house is definitely proving too tempting to resist. So I have a new deal with myself...no more than two small pieces of chocolate a day until it is gone. That's it. I have to learn to live with having tempting treats around and not eating them all at once.
I've been reminded that it could be water retention. I haven't been good when it comes to drinking my water so I'm getting back on that again.
Boils down to this: I lost the 2 lbs before and I can do it again. It's just a bump in the road on this journey..not the end.
Now let's hope that Hubby eats all the candy quickly!! LOL
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 1:39 PM
Monday, November 1, 2010
If you have ever lost weight, you know the joy of buying new, stylish clothes in a smaller size. The feeling of euphoria that washes over you when you can easily button those smaller jeans. The smile that lights up your face when you try on a dress that isn't an A-line (nothing wrong with the A-line..just tired of it when it is the only cut that looks okay on me!). That sweetest moment when you get to say to the salesperson "May I see this in a smaller size?" Oh, I get goosebumps just thinking about it.
When you lose a lot of weight and go down many, many sizes, you get to have that joy numerous times. Usually that is the part I can't wait for, the part I'm longing for, and the part that makes it all worthwhile. I know, I know. You are all saying "Isn't better health, playing with the kids, and all that stuff you've been spouting off about more important?". Well, yes, to a point..LOL But when you love clothes as much I do, new clothes is what makes my little materialistic heart flutter. Not to mention that you have a great excuse to buy them that even the most frugal of husbands can't argue. Unless, of course, he wants you to walk around naked. But Lady Godiva, I ain't! LOL
Unfortunately, I haven't been as excited about that part during this journey. It's hard to get excited about wearing smaller clothes when you know that you just can't afford to buy new ones. I'll just have to wear the clothes I've held on to that are either really worn already, completely outdated or just not "I'm-smaller-let's-celebrate-new". I've been unemployed for a year on the 13th of this month. It really sucks because we can't afford a lot of things we used to be able to buy when I was working. And new clothes fall way down on the list of necessities. I have kids that need new clothes and they always come first.
But my own little Fashion Angel has shined a little light down on me. A friend of mine, another "fat chick", is on a journey of her own. She has always been smaller than me and is dropping down a size or two ahead of me. She sent me an e-mail and asked if I wanted the clothes she is no longer able to wear. I jumped on that offer because she has always been stylish so I know the clothes will be cute. And while they aren't brand-new with tags, they are new to me! I love me some hand-me-downs. Especially when they are nice, stylish hand-me-downs from my very own Fashion Angel.
I'm so excited!! I have something to look forward to as I drop weight. Another goal to strive towards! And I won't have to worry about what I'm going to wear as I lose weight and just enjoy the journey. Plus, I can put a little money toward things like new undergarments. Let me just say that big panties are so annoying!! LOL
To my Fashion Angel (and you know who you are) thank you so much for sharing this journey with me...and your closet! Mwah!!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 4:34 PM
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I lost a pound this week and I consider myself very lucky. While I've been exercising, my eating choices haven't been that great. The fact that I lost at all shows me (once again) how important exercise is to reaching my goal. I'm going to add jogging in a couple of times a week when I take my kids to the park. I did it yesterday and while it was a pretty short distance, I just have to remind myself that it is one small step towards my goal. Each week, it will get longer and I will get better.
As for the eating portion, I'm working really hard to get back into the groove when it comes to tracking everything I eat...even the "BAD" things.
How is everyone else doing with their eating habits? Are you all able to keep up with tracking everything? I'd love to hear some tips and stories!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:37 AM
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
This last Sunday we took the kids to the Banducci's Family Pumpkin Patch. What a gorgeous place!! They have pumpkins every where, of course, but they also setup great little areas for photos. We were able to get some fantastic photos of the kids and even a few of ourselves. Yep, I was voluntarily in a few pictures. It's getting a little easier each time. And the best part? Well, I could actually see a difference this time. I could see that I was a little smaller. And what a motivator that is!! Check it out for yourself! The pic on the left is from Christmas 2009 when I was at my heaviest, 344 lbs. The pic on the right is from Sunday after losing 45 lbs. I can really see a difference and maybe taking a picture now and then can be helpful!
We took the kids through the corn maze a few times which is a first for me and quite frankly something the "old" me would have avoided like the plague. I didn't try to avoid it this time and was actually looking forward to it. Something fun that we could do as a family! We let the kids take charge and pick which paths to go down. It was a blast and it will definitely be a new family tradition. And guess what? After 30 minutes of walking in the corn maze , I was the only one who wasn't tired or hurting!!! The kids were tired and hubby said his hips were hurting. Me? I was actually okay. I wasn't tired. Nothing hurt. Pretty damn awesome, huh? I sure was smiling in the car on the way home because I felt really good about me and the progress I'm making. I may be getting there slowly but I'm definitely on my way!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:05 AM
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I received some news yesterday that helped me put everything into perspective. If you've been reading this blog, then you know I haven't been feeling all that great lately both mentally and physically. I've been in a depression and staying true to this journey has been extremely hard and trying. I have wanted to quit, to give up, to just throw my hands up in the air and hide in my bed. You have no idea how much I've been wanting to do that.
That is until I received an e-mail yesterday that woke me up. The message was from my Uncle Mike aka Uncle Mugsy. He has been battling cancer and recently found out that it is growing again. This news sucks beyond all belief!! I cried and sent him all the love and prayers I could. And then I started thinking about how amazing he has been throughout this fight.
I first need to explain what a huge impact my Uncle Mugsy has had on my life. He and my father were not only cousins but best friends. He was always around during my childhood and he showed me by example how extraordinary a father and a man could be. He showed me that strength can be paired with kindness. He proved without a doubt that his daughters came first before anything!! And they knew it, those lucky girls. His also showered his nieces with all that kindness and love. He gave me my first pair of diamond earrings when I was 9, he always made Shepherd's Pie when I came over (my favorite dish!!), and even though no one in his house drank milk, he always made a run to the store to get some for me if I was coming over. He listened to me ramble on about my new apartment when I was moving 400 miles from home and he told me how proud he was of me the first time we saw my name in the credits of a TV show I worked on. He has always made me feel special and I've always known that he is there for me no matter what.
That same strength is still shining through during his battle with cancer. He hasn't given up! Despite it all, he is still living his life. He travels to see his daughters and grandchildren. He walks his pup, Penny, every day. He traveled with his daughters to Europe earlier this year for the trip of a lifetime. And he fights. Oh how he fights!!
If he can fight against the big, bad "C", then I should be able to find the strength to fight my battle. I need to crawl out from under the covers, pick myself up and remember what my hero does every day...and FIGHT!!
Love you lots and lots and lots, Uncle Mugsy! Thank you for the example you've always set for all of us when it comes to strength of character, strength of heart and the strength to fight every battle that comes our way!!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:45 AM
I did it! Despite my best efforts, I lost 2 lbs this week and broke 300. I'm so excited and feeling reinvigorated!! I need to stay on track with exercising (which means I've got 4 days left in the week and I have to work out each day) and stay on track with eating.
So, goodbye 300s! I hope I never see your ugly face again!!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:44 AM
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I gained a pound this week. Am I surprised? Not all. Angry? Yes. Disappointed? Yep. Guilty? Oh yeah. Frustrated? Most definitely. But I am the only to blame for this situation. I knew what I was putting in my mouth and I made the choice not to exercise. I’m honestly just surprised I didn’t gain more weight and I should count myself lucky that it was only 1 pound. Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling that lucky lately.
I’m still in a funk. Still not feeling all that great and definitely not liking myself that much. I'm feeling like a loser and this weight gain just confirms it. But I can either wallow in this feeling or try to fight my way out of this black mood.
I've decided to fight it. I'm determined to get back on track when it comes to eating right and exercising. I’ve been reminded by some pretty wonderful people (thank you Mom and my very sweet cousin, Kristina L.) that I feel better when I do exercise. Not just physically but mentally! That exercising helps me battle my depression. It’s probably not a coincidence that the more days I skipped exercising the worse I felt. I’m going to concentrate on getting in at least 4 days of exercise per week and hope that will in turn help me feel better. And if all goes well, that should make eating right easier and stop this downward spiral.
I have already done 2 of my days this week and it’s only Wednesday so I’m on the right track. Hopefully, I can keep it up.
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:30 AM
Monday, October 11, 2010
Believe it or not, I’ve actually done worse this week. I haven’t exercised AT ALL. I mean nothing. Even though I swore up and down I was going to do it, I didn’t. I’ve been a bottomless pit when it comes to food. I can’t seem to get enough and I know I’ve been doing some serious emotional eating. I know what I need to do to get back on track and I can’t seem to do it. I’m so mad at myself! And frustrated! I can’t seem to get into the right state of mind to get moving again. I am finding it extremely difficult to stop this downward spiral. And the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I feel like I’m letting myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and the whole world down. I know that probably isn’t true because in the grand scheme of things, my journey isn’t that important to anyone but myself. But it is how I feel. I’m such a LOSER!! A fat, unemployed loser….sigh.
I’ve been so depressed lately and all I want to do is sleep. Of course the minute I lay down, my eyes are wide open. I have a pretty good idea what is causing all of this: weight loss is moving really slow (which makes me feel like a failure which causes me to want to eat emotionally which leads right back to weight loss moving slowly and the vicious cycle repeats), lack of job prospects (which makes me feel like even more of a LOSER), the ever so wonderful PMS, the financial worries caused by not having a job, feel like a failure as a mother because my son is such a handful and, well, I can go on and on and on. I am a control freak and I feel like my world is ready to fall apart. And I just want to quit…everything.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t really fix any of those things except maybe the food I eat and my exercise. Maybe if I can get a handle on that, then I’ll feel better and everything else won’t feel so overwhelming. I don’t know. I just don’t know….
I ate a good breakfast this morning and logged it like I’m supposed to and I’m planning on re-starting my 6 week challenge on my game today at medium intensity.
I just need to get through today…just today.
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 11:49 AM
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
The title says it all. I didn't lose anything this week which means I didn't break 300 like I wanted. I'm really bummed but I don't have anyone to blame but myself. My exercise this week has been sporadic at best. I did exercise 3 days this week but only about 20 minutes on each of those days. I know I need to do better than that. Also, my eating hasn't been the greatest. I've slacked off on keeping track of everything and I need to get back to being as vigilant as I was in the beginning. Not a happy Fat Chick...sigh.
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 8:56 AM
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
This week I've lost another 2 lbs which puts me at an even 300. I am "thisclose" to being below 300 lbs. It is so frustrating! While I should just be celebrating a loss of any type, I can't help but wish it would have just been a little bit more so I can get out of the 300s completely. I have to remind myself that this is a good week! Slow and steady is what is going to do it in the long run. If I get anything from this journey besides good health, it may just be patience, a trait I've always lacked...LOL
Also, I found myself getting a little depressed that I weigh 300 lbs at all. I wish it was less. I'm ashamed that I ever got this big and seeing how much I still have to lose, well...it is disheartening. It makes the 44 lbs I've lost seem inconsequential. But I can't think that way. If I do, I know I will lose all the progress I've made so far on this journey. I need to remember that 44 lbs is 44 lbs no matter what I weighed when I started.
I also need to remember that I'm gaining muscle from exercising. That I can do so many things now that I couldn't do before. Remind myself how much better I feel and while I may not be happy with the number on the scale, it is going down and not up. And that is always good, right?
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 9:28 AM
Sunday, September 26, 2010
My daughter received her first big girl bike with training wheels yesterday. Her cousin, Tori, was nice enough to hand it on down. Love that!!
Lili was riding in the front yard and we all took turns helping her while she was getting the hang of it. It dawned on me when I was taking my turn that I didn't try to get out of chasing her down the street like I have in the past. I was enjoying myself running after and being part of this moment in her life. I wasn't on the sidelines like I have been in the past. My weight wasn't holding me back this time. Another moment in my life that I am able to enjoy because I'm on this journey. I love it!!
Posted by Tricia De Leon at 12:01 PM