Work in Progress

Hi. I know it's been quite a while. Kinda lost me again. Dealing with depression, a new job, my husband and kids...you know "life". And during that time, I forgot to take care of me. Actually, I didn't forget. I just plain didn't want to. See, that is the thing with depression. It makes me feel like I just don't matter. So, I skip exercising, eat a bunch of crap, and feel more miserable every day. Every single day is a fight...one I keep losing. Losing to the tune of a 10 lb gain. Yep, I gained weight back. Big surprise, huh?...No not really. I tend to do that. Get bored, get depressed, and lose focus on my goals. But the up side is that it's only 10 lbs and not the full 50 I lost. Or God forbid, even more. Been there and done that too.

But, now I'm feeling a little better. Not sure why. Maybe those crazy chemicals in my brain have gotten straightened out for a bit. Maybe I'm feeling more comfortable in my new job. Maybe the stars have aligned just right. Who the heck knows? All I truly know is that I need to take advantage of this feeling while I've got it.

I've changed things a little. Trying to shake up my routine and make this journey exciting again. I've cancelled my WW membership. Yeah, I know, I know. I kept extolling the virtues of WW and I did love it. But I'm not too keen on their new plan and just couldn't seem to wrap my head around it. I've moved on to a new and pretty straight forward plan. I'm going to burn more calories than I eat in a day. Yep, really complicated, huh?...LOL But that is basically what losing weight boils down to, right? I'm using an online site called Lose It (www.loseit.com). It's free (yippee!!) and my cousin-in-law, Jon, has been using it and is doing really well. I mean really, really, really well. Over 50 lbs and counting. Go Jon!!

Back to the website. It's really easy to use and it's sort of like a social network. You can add "friends", make comments, etc. It's great for motivation and support.

I've also changed up the exercising. I just can't seem to keep to a schedule these days. Let's face it, "Mom" always comes last and finding time for myself is really difficult. The more I tried to structure my exercise routine, the more depressed I got each time I missed it and eventually just said "Forget it." So easy to do say. Way too easy for me to say and do. The change I'm making is to exercise when I can using the Wii. Not on a schedule but when I can squeeze it in. And I've added bike riding to my routine. I recently acquired a beautiful black and pink beach cruiser. I just love it and the benefits of bike riding far exceed the physical for me. I take off down the street and I feel all the stress just fall off my shoulders. I feel free and like a kid. Even if just for 10-20 minutes. I forgot how much I loved riding bikes when I was a kid. I did it all the time and that sort of just went away as I got older. Now I'm rediscovering the pleasure of bike riding. And doing it in style on my cruiser. :-)

So, that's the latest and greatest with me. I'm trying still. But as a friend recently reminded me, it is a life change not a quick fix. And I am most definitely just a work in progress.

New Year - Same Old Journey...LOL

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. I know I did and the scale can attest since I have gained 2 lbs over the holidays. And I'm okay with it. I admit I had some candy and cookies..okay, I had a lot of candy and cookies. And every single bit was delicious. The holiday season is baking season in my family. All my aunts, my mom and this year even I hit the kitchen. I was able to pass on the family tradition of decorating sugar cookies to my children and even tried out a new recipe for Cracker Candy. To die for!! I can't seem to get through Christmas without having some goodies and quite frankly I don't want to. It's part of our tradition and it's usually items that I only get to have once a year. So, I'm giving myself a pass. It was only 2 lbs which considering the circumstances, isn't that bad.

On to the new year and the continuation of this journey! I'm hoping to lose an additional 100 lbs this year. Yep, that is my goal. It may be lofty but I'm going to try. We are planning a trip to Disneyland the week after Christmas and I'd love to be able to get on all the rides without freaking out or worrying if I'll fit the whole time. I want to be able to really enjoy myself and enjoy the time with my family. Being healthy and in better shape will definitely make that possible.

I'm also going to do the Wharf-to-Wharf in Santa Cruz on July 24th with my Mom and my sister. Another goal I want to meet and something else to strive towards. I'm still trying to convince the hubby to do it with me....maybe....

I've started fresh this week. The holiday munchies are gone and forgotten. I'm back on my WW again and today I restarted (again!) my 3 week challenge on EA Sports Active 2. I'm going to work out 4 days a week again. Yep, I know. "Here she goes again." But as long as I keep restarting and don't give up, I'm on my way to winning the battle. I've finally figured out a way to fit exercise nto my schedule now that I'm working outside the house again. It took forever but it's finally working out. Seems like I lost some of my time management skills while I was unemployed. Really didn't have to worry about time when I had plenty of it..LOL

I'll check back in on Saturday when the scale comes to call! Have a fun week!

50 lbs GONE!!!

Imagine my delight and surprise when I got on the scale and read the number 294! Most people would not be happy with that number but since I started at 344, I'm thrilled! 50 lbs of fat is gone, gone, gone! I'm over the moon excited and feel like everything is coming together for me lately.

I started a new job on Monday after 13 months of unemployment. I really love this job so far and I'm so much happier than I have been since I started working again. The stress is gone which allows me to enjoy my life and my family again.

I'm still working on getting exercise back into my schedule. It's really hard now that I'm working especially since I have to cook dinner, clean the kitchen and get the kids ready for bed by 8pm each night. I want to start getting up early in the morning so I can exercise before work. It's just really hard because I do love my sleep. But I also know that exercising is really important and I need to make time for it. And by making time for exercising, I'm making time for ME!

Here are my goals for the upcoming week:

Get up early and exercise Monday through Thursday
Take it easy on the Christmas cookies and candies
Limit my egg nog intake this year to just Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (I do love egg nog!)

And most importantly, enjoy the holidays and being with my family.

My next weigh-in day is Christmas morning so I may be late with the update. I'm sure you can all forgive me...LOL

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my friends! Love to you all!

Back In the Saddle

This week I finally had a loss again. 3 lbs gone!! I'm so excited! Looking back at this week, I can see where I did make some improvements in my eating and exercise routine that would account for the weight loss. I also know I wasn't perfect about eating and went over my WW points on quite a few days so the potential to do better is definitely there.

The new WW PointsPlus system is HARD!! Maybe it would be easier if I hadn't been doing their previous system and came into this fresh. Right now, I'm just having a hard time adjusting my thinking on point values for food. I had pretty much a set idea of what I could eat and how much of it but that has all changed. Now, I have to check all point values again and measurements to make sure I'm doing everything right on this program. While it is soooo hard to change, I think this is exactly what my body needed so I can get back in the saddle and continue my journey. I needed to shake it up and boy did I...LOL

Also, my new exercise game, EA Sports Active 2, is super hard. I'm definitely working out harder than I did on the earlier versions. Lots of jumping in this one which is definitely not a favorite of mine. Do you know how much effort it takes to move 296 lbs up in the air?..LOL Trust me, it's a lot! But I am doing it and the results are speaking for themselves with my 3 lbs weight loss.

Now the holidays are approaching and I have to keep this up so I'm ready for them. Good luck to all of you on your journey during this holiday season!

Thanksgiving Landed on My Butt...Literally

Today's weigh-in wasn't a happy moment. I've gained 2 lbs. Pretty annoyed with myself but not all that surprised. I was an eating fool over Thanksgiving and now I'm paying the price.

But I won't let this setback deter me. I'm back on plan and going to stay there! Hopefully, after a full week on the new WW plan and exercising, I'll have a significant weight loss next week. I went grocery shopping yesterday and stocked up on lots of delicious fruits, veggies and healthy snacks so I'm fully armed and ready for battle!!

Recharged

Hi, everyone. You may have noticed that it's been about 4 weeks since my last post. I took a break from everything. Eating healthy, exercising, blogging...all of it. A friend of mine put it best when I explained it to her. She said that I needed to "recharge" and that's how I feel. I was getting bored. Everything felt stagnant and I was ready to quit all together. The plan was to take two weeks off to get my head together. Those two weeks stretched into 4. I was having a hard time finding my enthusiasm for this journey I started. I needed to reassess my goals and my life. To "recharge"

I did and I decided that it is a journey that I just can't afford to cut short. I need to keep going. The amount of weight I lost so far is a huge amount and I don't want to lose the progress I've already made. I figured that I better get back into those good habits now before the Christmas holiday starts. Because I love all those holiday cookies and candies. Ohmigosh, the fudge alone will kill me..LOL

Now the good news is that during my 4 week break, I didn't gain anything. I actually lost a pound!! I think that was just that some of the habits I had learned during my journey stuck with me even when I didn't want them.

Today I started the new WW program call PointsPlus. It's different and is really promoting protein over carbs now. Good point is that fruit is now 0 points. Yippee!! But it will be an adjustment because all of the high fiber items I was eating at 1 point each are now 3 points. But, you know, this may be the best thing for me. It will force me to change the way I eat and shake up my metabolism. And I could really use that! I mean, who couldn't, right?..LOL

I also started the EA Sports Active 2 game for the Wii today. My sister, Shawna, and brother-in-law, Victor, shelled out the $99 to buy me that for my birthday. Isn't that the sweetest thing?!! This version of the game comes with a leg band and an arm band that track your movements which frees your hands up. No more controllers and wires to get in the way. So happy!! You do have to use the controller on just a few of the 70 plus exercises the game offers but I can live with that. It's a huge improvement over the previous version. And to top it off, the arm band contains a heart monitor. You can watch your heart on the TV with the game. You can also workout with people online, join workout groups online, etc. It's a whole new world of exercise and I'm so excited about it.

It seems to me that the new WW plan and the new game came out at just the right time. I needed a change. I needed motivation. I needed something to shake me up and I think they will do it.

Don't you all think a 10 lbs loss for Christmas sounds like a great present from Santa?

Bite Me Halloween!!

I actually forgot to weigh in yesterday. Truly forgot. What does this mean? Am I giving up already? Has this lost some importance in my life? Am I over this journey? Nah, I think it just meant I was busy worrying about being unemployed, money, my son getting in trouble in preschool and all the other normal day to day worries of the average woman.

But back to the weight issue. I gained 2 lbs!! Ugh. So annoyed. And I blame Halloween ergo the title of this post...LOL I love sweets and having candy around the house is definitely proving too tempting to resist. So I have a new deal with myself...no more than two small pieces of chocolate a day until it is gone. That's it. I have to learn to live with having tempting treats around and not eating them all at once.

I've been reminded that it could be water retention. I haven't been good when it comes to drinking my water so I'm getting back on that again.

Boils down to this: I lost the 2 lbs before and I can do it again. It's just a bump in the road on this journey..not the end.

Now let's hope that Hubby eats all the candy quickly!! LOL

My Fashion Angel

If you have ever lost weight, you know the joy of buying new, stylish clothes in a smaller size. The feeling of euphoria that washes over you when you can easily button those smaller jeans. The smile that lights up your face when you try on a dress that isn't an A-line (nothing wrong with the A-line..just tired of it when it is the only cut that looks okay on me!). That sweetest moment when you get to say to the salesperson "May I see this in a smaller size?" Oh, I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

When you lose a lot of weight and go down many, many sizes, you get to have that joy numerous times. Usually that is the part I can't wait for, the part I'm longing for, and the part that makes it all worthwhile. I know, I know. You are all saying "Isn't better health, playing with the kids, and all that stuff you've been spouting off about more important?". Well, yes, to a point..LOL But when you love clothes as much I do, new clothes is what makes my little materialistic heart flutter. Not to mention that you have a great excuse to buy them that even the most frugal of husbands can't argue. Unless, of course, he wants you to walk around naked. But Lady Godiva, I ain't! LOL

Unfortunately, I haven't been as excited about that part during this journey. It's hard to get excited about wearing smaller clothes when you know that you just can't afford to buy new ones. I'll just have to wear the clothes I've held on to that are either really worn already, completely outdated or just not "I'm-smaller-let's-celebrate-new". I've been unemployed for a year on the 13th of this month. It really sucks because we can't afford a lot of things we used to be able to buy when I was working. And new clothes fall way down on the list of necessities. I have kids that need new clothes and they always come first.

But my own little Fashion Angel has shined a little light down on me. A friend of mine, another "fat chick", is on a journey of her own. She has always been smaller than me and is dropping down a size or two ahead of me. She sent me an e-mail and asked if I wanted the clothes she is no longer able to wear. I jumped on that offer because she has always been stylish so I know the clothes will be cute. And while they aren't brand-new with tags, they are new to me! I love me some hand-me-downs. Especially when they are nice, stylish hand-me-downs from my very own Fashion Angel.
I'm so excited!! I have something to look forward to as I drop weight. Another goal to strive towards! And I won't have to worry about what I'm going to wear as I lose weight and just enjoy the journey. Plus, I can put a little money toward things like new undergarments. Let me just say that big panties are so annoying!! LOL

To my Fashion Angel (and you know who you are) thank you so much for sharing this journey with me...and your closet! Mwah!!

1 lb Gone!

I lost a pound this week and I consider myself very lucky. While I've been exercising, my eating choices haven't been that great. The fact that I lost at all shows me (once again) how important exercise is to reaching my goal. I'm going to add jogging in a couple of times a week when I take my kids to the park. I did it yesterday and while it was a pretty short distance, I just have to remind myself that it is one small step towards my goal. Each week, it will get longer and I will get better.

As for the eating portion, I'm working really hard to get back into the groove when it comes to tracking everything I eat...even the "BAD" things.

How is everyone else doing with their eating habits? Are you all able to keep up with tracking everything? I'd love to hear some tips and stories!

The Corn Maze

This last Sunday we took the kids to the Banducci's Family Pumpkin Patch. What a gorgeous place!! They have pumpkins every where, of course, but they also setup great little areas for photos. We were able to get some fantastic photos of the kids and even a few of ourselves. Yep, I was voluntarily in a few pictures. It's getting a little easier each time. And the best part? Well, I could actually see a difference this time. I could see that I was a little smaller. And what a motivator that is!! Check it out for yourself! The pic on the left is from Christmas 2009 when I was at my heaviest, 344 lbs. The pic on the right is from Sunday after losing 45 lbs. I can really see a difference and maybe taking a picture now and then can be helpful!



We took the kids through the corn maze a few times which is a first for me and quite frankly something the "old" me would have avoided like the plague. I didn't try to avoid it this time and was actually looking forward to it. Something fun that we could do as a family! We let the kids take charge and pick which paths to go down. It was a blast and it will definitely be a new family tradition. And guess what? After 30 minutes of walking in the corn maze , I was the only one who wasn't tired or hurting!!! The kids were tired and hubby said his hips were hurting. Me? I was actually okay. I wasn't tired. Nothing hurt. Pretty damn awesome, huh? I sure was smiling in the car on the way home because I felt really good about me and the progress I'm making. I may be getting there slowly but I'm definitely on my way!

Reality Check

I received some news yesterday that helped me put everything into perspective. If you've been reading this blog, then you know I haven't been feeling all that great lately both mentally and physically. I've been in a depression and staying true to this journey has been extremely hard and trying. I have wanted to quit, to give up, to just throw my hands up in the air and hide in my bed. You have no idea how much I've been wanting to do that.

That is until I received an e-mail yesterday that woke me up. The message was from my Uncle Mike aka Uncle Mugsy. He has been battling cancer and recently found out that it is growing again. This news sucks beyond all belief!! I cried and sent him all the love and prayers I could. And then I started thinking about how amazing he has been throughout this fight.

I first need to explain what a huge impact my Uncle Mugsy has had on my life. He and my father were not only cousins but best friends. He was always around during my childhood and he showed me by example how extraordinary a father and a man could be. He showed me that strength can be paired with kindness. He proved without a doubt that his daughters came first before anything!! And they knew it, those lucky girls. His also showered his nieces with all that kindness and love. He gave me my first pair of diamond earrings when I was 9, he always made Shepherd's Pie when I came over (my favorite dish!!), and even though no one in his house drank milk, he always made a run to the store to get some for me if I was coming over. He listened to me ramble on about my new apartment when I was moving 400 miles from home and he told me how proud he was of me the first time we saw my name in the credits of a TV show I worked on. He has always made me feel special and I've always known that he is there for me no matter what.

That same strength is still shining through during his battle with cancer. He hasn't given up! Despite it all, he is still living his life. He travels to see his daughters and grandchildren. He walks his pup, Penny, every day. He traveled with his daughters to Europe earlier this year for the trip of a lifetime. And he fights. Oh how he fights!!

If he can fight against the big, bad "C", then I should be able to find the strength to fight my battle. I need to crawl out from under the covers, pick myself up and remember what my hero does every day...and FIGHT!!

Love you lots and lots and lots, Uncle Mugsy! Thank you for the example you've always set for all of us when it comes to strength of character, strength of heart and the strength to fight every battle that comes our way!!

Goodbye 300, Goodbye!! AND GOOD RIDDANCE!

I did it! Despite my best efforts, I lost 2 lbs this week and broke 300. I'm so excited and feeling reinvigorated!! I need to stay on track with exercising (which means I've got 4 days left in the week and I have to work out each day) and stay on track with eating.

So, goodbye 300s! I hope I never see your ugly face again!!

Stress+Emotional Eating+Depression-Exercise=Weight Gain

I gained a pound this week. Am I surprised? Not all. Angry? Yes. Disappointed? Yep. Guilty? Oh yeah. Frustrated? Most definitely. But I am the only to blame for this situation. I knew what I was putting in my mouth and I made the choice not to exercise. I’m honestly just surprised I didn’t gain more weight and I should count myself lucky that it was only 1 pound. Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling that lucky lately.

I’m still in a funk. Still not feeling all that great and definitely not liking myself that much. I'm feeling like a loser and this weight gain just confirms it. But I can either wallow in this feeling or try to fight my way out of this black mood.

I've decided to fight it. I'm determined to get back on track when it comes to eating right and exercising. I’ve been reminded by some pretty wonderful people (thank you Mom and my very sweet cousin, Kristina L.) that I feel better when I do exercise. Not just physically but mentally! That exercising helps me battle my depression. It’s probably not a coincidence that the more days I skipped exercising the worse I felt. I’m going to concentrate on getting in at least 4 days of exercise per week and hope that will in turn help me feel better. And if all goes well, that should make eating right easier and stop this downward spiral.

I have already done 2 of my days this week and it’s only Wednesday so I’m on the right track. Hopefully, I can keep it up.

My Whacked Out State of Mind

Believe it or not, I’ve actually done worse this week. I haven’t exercised AT ALL. I mean nothing. Even though I swore up and down I was going to do it, I didn’t. I’ve been a bottomless pit when it comes to food. I can’t seem to get enough and I know I’ve been doing some serious emotional eating. I know what I need to do to get back on track and I can’t seem to do it. I’m so mad at myself! And frustrated! I can’t seem to get into the right state of mind to get moving again. I am finding it extremely difficult to stop this downward spiral. And the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I feel like I’m letting myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and the whole world down. I know that probably isn’t true because in the grand scheme of things, my journey isn’t that important to anyone but myself. But it is how I feel. I’m such a LOSER!! A fat, unemployed loser….sigh.

I’ve been so depressed lately and all I want to do is sleep. Of course the minute I lay down, my eyes are wide open. I have a pretty good idea what is causing all of this: weight loss is moving really slow (which makes me feel like a failure which causes me to want to eat emotionally which leads right back to weight loss moving slowly and the vicious cycle repeats), lack of job prospects (which makes me feel like even more of a LOSER), the ever so wonderful PMS, the financial worries caused by not having a job, feel like a failure as a mother because my son is such a handful and, well, I can go on and on and on. I am a control freak and I feel like my world is ready to fall apart. And I just want to quit…everything.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t really fix any of those things except maybe the food I eat and my exercise. Maybe if I can get a handle on that, then I’ll feel better and everything else won’t feel so overwhelming. I don’t know. I just don’t know….

I ate a good breakfast this morning and logged it like I’m supposed to and I’m planning on re-starting my 6 week challenge on my game today at medium intensity.

I just need to get through today…just today.

Nada, Zip, Nothing, Big Fat Zero

The title says it all. I didn't lose anything this week which means I didn't break 300 like I wanted. I'm really bummed but I don't have anyone to blame but myself. My exercise this week has been sporadic at best. I did exercise 3 days this week but only about 20 minutes on each of those days. I know I need to do better than that. Also, my eating hasn't been the greatest. I've slacked off on keeping track of everything and I need to get back to being as vigilant as I was in the beginning. Not a happy Fat Chick...sigh.

ThisClose

This week I've lost another 2 lbs which puts me at an even 300. I am "thisclose" to being below 300 lbs. It is so frustrating! While I should just be celebrating a loss of any type, I can't help but wish it would have just been a little bit more so I can get out of the 300s completely. I have to remind myself that this is a good week! Slow and steady is what is going to do it in the long run. If I get anything from this journey besides good health, it may just be patience, a trait I've always lacked...LOL

Also, I found myself getting a little depressed that I weigh 300 lbs at all. I wish it was less. I'm ashamed that I ever got this big and seeing how much I still have to lose, well...it is disheartening. It makes the 44 lbs I've lost seem inconsequential. But I can't think that way. If I do, I know I will lose all the progress I've made so far on this journey. I need to remember that 44 lbs is 44 lbs no matter what I weighed when I started.

I also need to remember that I'm gaining muscle from exercising. That I can do so many things now that I couldn't do before. Remind myself how much better I feel and while I may not be happy with the number on the scale, it is going down and not up. And that is always good, right?

Another Moment I Am Able to Enjoy

My daughter received her first big girl bike with training wheels yesterday. Her cousin, Tori, was nice enough to hand it on down. Love that!!

Lili was riding in the front yard and we all took turns helping her while she was getting the hang of it. It dawned on me when I was taking my turn that I didn't try to get out of chasing her down the street like I have in the past. I was enjoying myself running after and being part of this moment in her life. I wasn't on the sidelines like I have been in the past. My weight wasn't holding me back this time. Another moment in my life that I am able to enjoy because I'm on this journey. I love it!!

Another 2 Lbs Bites the Dust

Yeah!! I've lost another 2 lbs which puts me at 42 lbs lost. I can't believe that I am already this far along on my journey. I feel fantastic!! I am wearing a pair of jeans today that I haven't been able to wear in at least 4 years. My bra is on the middle set of hooks instead of the last. My t-shirts fit so much better and I no longer look pregnant..LOL

Every day I notice something I like better about the way I move, or how my clothes fit, or just how I feel. This is a really hard journey but it is worth every bit of effort I can put into it. Let me rephrase that....I'M WORTH EVERY BIT OF EFFORT!!

Fat TV

Lately, the TV landscape seems to be deluged with television shows centered on overweight characters. Okay, maybe not “deluged” since there are only three shows but in TV land that is a huge amount. Most TV show characters are thin, tiny, and unrealistic. As we all know, the average woman in the good ol’ US of A is a size 14 but most people on TV are a size 0-2. Yes, they are beautiful and we all wish we were that size because being thin is portrayed as being happy. Well, at least happier than anyone is who is fat. A portrayal that isn't exactly true to life. You can be thin and miserable or happy and fat or vice versa. Until recently, "fat" characters were the sidekicks in the majority of programs.

Enter the “fat” shows. I’ve seen all three of the shows and I like them for different reasons. And yes, I totally identify with them.

• HUGE on ABC Family. This shows centers around overweight teenagers sent to a “fat camp”. It’s compelling and very well acted. The actors are all extremely talented and as the title implies, large. The characters deal with all the normal teenage angst along with being overweight. I was an obese teenager and these characters speak to that fat teenager inside.

• DROP DEAD DIVA on Lifetime. A fabulously beautiful, thin, blonde and slightly ditzy aspiring model dies and comes back in the body of an overweight, brunette and brilliant lawyer. This could be a disaster of a show with all the usual situations but it has heart. The actress who plays the main character is brilliant!! You find yourself loving both sides to her character: the aspiring model and the overweight lawyer. I love how the model now has to see the world from a different point of view and how the model's outgoing personality isn’t overshadowed by her new physique.

• MIKE AND MOLLY on CBS. This show premiered last night and it is your classic 30 minute sitcom. An overweight teacher and an overweight cop meet at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and are smitten. In the first episode, you see their struggles with life from dealing with relationships to changing their eating and exercise habits. They are both very cute characters and I’ve seen the actors on other shows in supporting parts. It’s nice to see them given the chance to play the leads. I can identify with the fat jokes that Mike and Molly do during the show. That is a classic fat-coping technique that I’ve used myself on numerous occasions. We have to make fun of ourselves before anyone else can. It is so much easier when we make the fat jokes. I also empathized with the speech which brings up a fear I think a lot of single, overweight people share. That once we lose the weight we still won’t be lovable or attractive. That being overweight isn’t really the reason we are alone. I remember that so well.

If you haven’t seen any of these shows yet, I highly recommend them. It’s nice to see the subject of obesity tackled with sensitivity and gentle humor on TV. Quite the change.

10 Things I Can Now Do

Losing 40 pounds sounds like a lot and it sounds like a little depending on the context. I know 40 pounds is a lot of weight. The thought of picking up 40 pounds and carrying it any distance at all exhausts me. On the other hand, it looks like a small amount in the grand scheme of things. I do still have another 129 pounds to lose to reach my goal. I decided to look at how losing this 40 pounds has impacted my everyday life so I can really appreciate it...instead of dwelling on the 129 pounds I still have left to do.

1 - I can not only carry my daughter on my shoulders but I can lift her up there all by myself. I love being able to do that!!

2 - Play with my kids on the beach. Race them to surf. Spin around with them. Basically, participate in their lives. It was so awesome not to be on the sidelines this time.

3 - Touch my toes. So simple, right? But honestly, I can't remember the last time I could stand up and touch my toes. It's pretty cool...LOL

4 - Do a decent squat. Yes, squats are the hardest exercise. A tool of the Devil...LOL But I can now do a good one. And do a bunch of them in a row. Something I couldn't do when I first started. The squats have definitely gotten deeper which makes me happy even though it hurts. Just call me a glutton for punishment...LOL

5 - Tie my shoes. Yep, I can now bend over and tie my shoes without lifting my leg or putting my body through awkward and embarrassing contortions. Something I started doing only in the privacy of my bedroom and didn't even realize I was doing that! Wow!!

6 - Stand up from a sitting position without thinking about it. I know it sounds so simple that you are probably wondering why it is on the list. But when you weigh as much as I did, getting up was a big ordeal. Something you did with a lot of effort and not very gracefully.

7 - Walk for long periods of time. I did it in Morro Bay for the first time this summer and was able to enjoy the town in a way I never had before. I followed that up by doing in Pismo down by the pier. Another first for me. As many times as I had been to Pismo, it was the first time I walked around the pier or the shops. Remember, I always avoided walking if possible before because I was always so tired. Not anymore! And this has been the best summer in years because of that.

8 - Fit into most restaurant booths. Wow, you wouldn't believe the difference 40 pounds makes when trying to sit down in a booth. I've had a few embarrassing moments where I didn't fit. Now, it doesn't seem to be as much of a problem. Can't wait until it isn't a problem EVER!!

9 - Get up the steps into my trailer. The steps into the trailer are awkward as it is and there isn't a handle to help you. Not too mention they are pretty high. I've dreaded them each time and avoided going in and out of the trailer as much as possible. I've recently noticed that it doesn't bother me anymore. I have not only lost fat but built up some muscle in my legs. I can easily lift myself up there now.

10 - None ya business...LOL I have a number 10 but I'm not going to share this one. It would definitely fall into the TMI category. Now, I can see all your little minds racing...LOL Just know that it is a good one!

So, that's it. That is 10 not so little things that I can now do. After reading this list, it makes it easier to see the 40 pound loss for what it is instead of what it isn't. I feel good about myself and my progress.

Next list at 80 pounds lost and that's a promise!

Goodbye 40 lbs!!

Imagine my surprise this morning when I weighed in and lost 3 lbs after 4 weeks of nothing! The best part is that this 3 lbs finally put me at the 40 lb milestone. This loss proves to me that sticking with my exercise program and WW works. I am so excited!

All the changes I've seen in my clothes and in how I feel, are really keeping me motivated. I tried on my engagement ring which I haven't worn in 5 years, and I can finally get it on my finger! Not on top of my wedding band, but hey, I'll take what I can get...LOL My undergarments are loose, my pants are incredibly baggy and my shirts are no longer tight. Things are looking good for this fat chick!

My next milestone? Well, actually there are two of them: getting below 300 lbs and losing a total of 60 lbs by my 39th birthday which is on November 23. I'm pretty sure I can reach those goals in the next 2+ months.

Thank you for all your support and reading my ramblings. I couldn't do this without you guys!!

Yeah Me!!

Just updated my exercise log for the week. I took the last two days off and wanted to make sure that I logged that. No lying to myself. But I also realized that I actually worked out 5 days last week!! That is awesome for me. I know I can't do everyday for a variety of reasons including burning myself out and my body begging for a rest. I mean, my legs were screaming at me to knock it off. Squats and lunges are tools of the devil!!..LOL Anyway, the 6 Week Challenge requires 4 workouts per week so I'm ahead of schedule by one day. This log may actually work on keeping me on the straight and narrow. Who'da thunk it?...LOL

My New Exercise Log

You will notice on the right side of my blog a new little section called "Exercise Log - 6 Week Challenge (24 Workouts)". I added this today for a specific reason. No matter how many times I say I have come to the conclusion that exercise is good for me, I will still take any excuse not to do it. You'd think that after seeing the proof for myself, my little brain would grasp the concept that I need to exercise and keep doing it. But..nooooo...LOL I can't possibly do that. Maybe it's the part of me that hates being told what to do that controls that. Yep, I'm sure that's it...LOL

Take today for example. I finally got dressed to exercise and as soon as I turned on the Wii, my controller went dead. I have to place the controller on a charger to recharge the batteries. I guess if I can't use the controller, I can't exercise, right? Wrong!! I can put regular batteries in it and not change my plans which is what I did. The sad thing is that it took everything in me to do that! I'm pathetic..LOL

I'm doing the EA Sports Active More Workouts 6 Week Challenge. You work out 4 days a week for a total of 24 workouts. I'm going to try to do the workouts twice each day. The reason for that is because I set the game to low intensity because I am now using a medium resistance band and wearing 1 lb weight gloves while working out. I need to work back up to the medium intensity level using this equipment. But the low intensity is still a bit easy so I decided if I do it twice it will make up the difference. And my goal is to finish the challenge in less than 6 weeks!!

To help me reach my goal, I've decided to make myself accountable to you. Yes, you. All of you who take the time to read my blog. You can now track my progress when it comes to exercise and feel free to call me out on it if you see me slacking. Obviously, I need it...LOL

No Weigh-In This Week

I’ve made a decision that may not seem right to most people but it is the best decision for me. I’m going to skip my weigh-in this week. No, it’s not cheating. Let me explain.

I’ve had two weeks in a row where I haven’t lost or gained anything. I’ve stayed exactly the same and that has been depressing. I’ve spent the last 5 days camping where I did a bit of drinking. I’m sure that the water gain from that alone will show up on the scale this week. I know me. I can’t take a third week of no progress or even worse, a gain. I will lose all my momentum and slide right back into my dangerously bad habits. Considering I have little, okay, no patience at all, I know that one more week without any progress will hurt me badly.

So, I’m going to give myself a reprieve this week. No scale. No weigh-in. I’m back home and back on my WW plan. I’ve also jumped right back into exercising by doing workout #4 of my 6 week challenge today. I’m going to give myself a little chance to recover from whatever damage I may have done this week. Allow myself a little time to lose the water weight from the alcohol. Basically, just let me take a moment to catch my breath.

I’ll be back on the scale next week no matter what. I promise!

Hello Plateau...I Hate You!

Another week and no weight loss. I’m still the same. I’ve reached the dreaded “Plateau” and I hate it. I wish I could be positive about this but I’m just not feeling it right now. I’m angry, sad, depressed and disappointed. And did I mention angry? GRRRRRR I should be at 40 lbs by now but I’m not and I’m ticked off. I feel like everything I’ve done over the last 5 months is for nothing.

The Little Fat Girl inside is laughing hysterically right now. She is screaming at me to just “Forget it!”. (Okay, maybe that isn’t quite the right F-word she is using but my Mom reads this blog so that one will have to suffice. LOL ) She is reminding me that I can’t do this. Who did I think I was kidding? I am fat and I’m always going to be fat. I should just go get some donuts and at least enjoy my fatness. Have a piece of cake, get a milkshake or a big, fat juicy burger. Drown my sorrows in some food. That works, right?

No, it doesn’t. I have years and years of experience with that particular coping mechanism and I know it doesn’t work. But old habits are hard to break and oh, do I ever want to just forget this whole thing and get some yummy food. I’d kill for some cherry pie right now. Oh yum!! But, I can’t. And not just because I’ll be letting myself down but because I’ll be letting all of you down too. That’s part of the reason I started this blog. I wanted to be accountable for what I’m eating to people other than myself because it is sooo easy to let me down. But knowing that all of you take the time to read this blog and support me in my journey means a lot to me. It keeps me from going down that path. The path of least resistance. The path I always go down when I get this far. And I can’t do it this time. I can’t go there no matter how much I want to and trust me, I want to. My cousin, Leslie, even wrote a post about me on her blog on how she admires my stick-to-it-tiveness (did I spell that right, Les?). The post was so sweet, supportive and just full of love. It brought tears to my eyes. After all that, I don’t want to disappoint her or any of you. Or myself.

So, here is the plan. I’m going to make my anger work for me. I’m going to beat that Little Fat Girl and get my butt back in gear. I’m going to do that by going back to the beginning. I’m going to follow my food journal entries from the beginning of WW when I was losing weight consistently. I’m going to start my exercise routine over as well. Yesterday I re-started the 6 week challenge on my EA Sports Active More Workouts game for the Wii. That means I’m going to work out 4 days a week for the next 6 weeks. My Mom and my sister have the original game and they are going to start the 30 day challenge on that game. We are going to do this together which should keep me going.

I will have a loss next week. I will not let that Little Fat Girl defeat me. And I will not let all of you or myself down. I’m going to kick this plateau’s ass!! (Sorry, Mom…but “butt” didn’t sound as tough…LOL).

Big, Fat Nothing

That is what happened during this week's weigh-in. I didn't gain or lose. I stayed right at 307 lbs which is a little disappointing. My first reaction was the same as it had been in the past. "Forget this!! Let's eat a cake! It's not working anyway." I had to take a step back and think about what is going on and how the past week went.

My schedule changed with my son being in school and I'm still adjusting to that. I know I haven't been eating as well as I should. I've actually skipped breakfast two days this past week because I was volunteering at my son's preschool.

I've been snacking a lot and even though I've stayed within my points most days, I know that I haven't made the best choices. And I'll confess..I had a milkshake. I was dying for one and I had to have it. It was so good but it was also 18 points. I did stay within my points for that day but using 18 points on a milkshake wasn't the best idea. We also went out to Chinese Buffet last Friday night. I went over my points that day but I had my weekly points to use. It was the first time I had used any of those.

Add in the fact that exercising was relegated to only 2 days this past week and I think I see why my weight loss may have stalled this week. I just have to suck it up and get back on the program. I need to make time to exercise and go back to eating healthy each day. I can do this!!

Now for some good news. As always, I pulled out my trusty tape measure to see if I've lost any inches. I've mentioned before that I love to do that when I don't lose as much as I would like that week because if I can see a loss in inches it really helps keep me motivated. And thankfully, I did see results there. It's been a month since I took my last set of measurements and during that month I've lost 2" off of my waist, 1" from my hips and 1/2" off of my thigh. That is a total of 3.5" in a month and grand total of 16.5" since I started this journey. That is a whole lot of me that is gone. And that makes me happy!

Wow...That Hurts

Tonight while I was tucking my beautiful 4-yr old son into bed, he said “You are fat.” My heart broke into ten million little pieces. I know I’m fat. I discuss being fat on this blog all the time. But to have my child say that really hurt.

I started to think about how lucky I’ve been my whole life when it came to having my weight thrown in my face. I wasn’t teased for being fat in school. My sister, who I fought with all the time, never once brought up my weight during any of our fights and trust me, we fought a lot. There was ample opportunity for her to hit me where it hurts. But she never did. I think I was only called “fat” to my face in a derogatory manner once when I was growing up and my response to that was “That’s the best you got? Really?”. Sure, it hurt a little but it was the truth. Calling me “stupid” in a fight would have bothered me more than calling me “fat”.

Ten or so years after I graduated, the wife of a very close friend whom I had grown up with, asked her husband if he ever teased me about my weight when we were kids. He said “No. She is my friend.” That was the entire explanation and that, in a nutshell, explains my childhood in regards to my weight. I was shy and didn’t date in high school because of my weight. But I was lucky enough to have friends who were unbelievably mature enough back then to like me for me and everyone else around us in school just followed their lead. We all know that children can be cruel but, looking back, I didn’t have to deal with that particular cruelty during my childhood and teenage years.

Hearing those words, words I never had to hear from anyone else, come from my own child’s mouth shocked me. I immediately asked him where he had heard this since he had just started preschool. I wanted to make sure that there wasn’t any teasing being done at school. He said he heard it on TV. I was relieved it wasn’t at school and I definitely don’t want him to start saying this to anyone at school. I immediately asked him why he would say that to me and he said he didn’t know. The sad thing is that I know he didn’t know why he said it. He is just now discovering the concepts of “skinny” and “fat” and is using them without fully understanding their social connotations.

I explained to him that Mommy is fat. Mommy does carry extra weight on her that she is trying to lose. I also explained that it is not okay to say things to other people regarding their weight whether they are skinny or fat. It’s hurtful and cruel. I know we are going to have to revisit this topic again. After all, he is only four years old. He hasn’t yet realized the power that words hold.

I don’t want him to be that mean child that makes fun of other kids because of their weight or any other reason they are considered to be not the “norm”. I want him to be better than that. I want him to be like the friend I mentioned earlier. I want him to be the one that simply answers “She is my friend.”

Wednesday Weigh-In

Another week has passed and to my surprise I have dropped another 2 lbs which puts me at 37 lbs total. Why am I surprised you may ask? Because my dreaded monthly visitor also arrived this morning and she usually brings plenty of heavy baggage with her. It is great news whenever I show a weight loss but especially when it coincides with a visit from her.

I'm so excited! I'm only 8 lbs away from bidding a not-so-fond farewell to the 300s. Can't wait to say goodbye to them!!

Throw Out the Crap!

Okay, if you have been keeping up you know that I recently ventured into that scary, dark place called my closet and actually had some success. For once, I didn’t come out of there feeling like the ugliest, fattest person in the world. It was a nice change and a bright moment on this journey I’ve started. But, I also noticed that some of my clothes (no matter what size they are) are just ugly. I’m not going to wear those again and I have to wonder what in the hell I was thinking when I bought some of them..LOL You know you have some of those in your closet too. Don’t try to deny it. LOL

We all have those clothes. Those ones that were in style when you bought them but you wouldn’t wear it now even if you could fit into it. Or those ones that you bought just because it fit and you needed something NOW. So you settled on that ugly shirt or pants. They may not even be ugly…just not really your style. How about those clothes that are missing a button or have a popped seam? You planned on fixing them one day when you can actually fit into them again. But are you really going to? I know I’m not. I didn’t like them enough to fix them before so chances are I’m not going to do it now.

I decided to quit lying to myself and throw out the crap. Toss out of those clothes I know I’m NEVER going to wear again no matter how much weight I lose. I mean, come on, really? The lime-green T-shirt with the rhinestones around the collar? Yeah, it was cute when I bought it but the hems on the sleeves unraveled years ago and I’m not going to fix them. Really, I’m not. LOL Same with the teal version of that T-shirt. Those cream-colored work pants that I bought 6 years ago from Target? Yeah, they are a size 24 and actually fit me. That should make me happy, right? Did I mention they are cream?!! Yeah, like I really need to wear light colors on my bottom half. I hate them!! I hated them when I bought them and every single time I wore them but I bought them because I couldn’t find anything else that fit. I have other options now so they are out of here. Along with a whole slew of faded black pants. Seriously, I’m never going to dye them black again. It’s time to quit lying to myself…LOL. That pile just grew and grew. And I didn’t care. It felt great to get rid of the crap taking up space in my closet. Great to realize that just because I can fit into those clothes again doesn’t mean I have to wear them.

And isn’t the best part of losing weight buying new clothes? Yeah, I could say it is feeling healthy, breathing easier, moving faster…but we all know the truth. It’s the clothes. Buying new, beautiful, fashionable, SMALLER clothes is one of the best perks of losing weight. It’s one of the things that push me forward. The thought of all those new clothes I am going to have to buy. And the bonus to all this? The hubby can’t complain when I buy new clothes because when I say “I have nothing to wear” it will be the truth this time…LOL

Find a Litte Happiness in Your Closet...Really!

Want a great ego boost? Hit your closet. Seriously!! I know that as one of the "fluffy' brigade, my closet is not my favorite place. Honestly, if I had to rank my top ten favorite spots in my house, my closet wouldn't even make the list. And I live in a small house so that is pretty bad...LOL But today, I actually found a little happiness in that horrible, dark place called my closet.

If you are overweight by any amount, you know you have clothes in your closet that don’t fit. Those clothes you are holding onto until “someday”. They may be one, two, or as in my case, ten sizes too small. But they are so cute, right?! It would break your heart to throw them out plus that means giving up. So we just keep them in the back of the closet waiting to be worn again. We judge how well are diets or new lifestyles (to each their own..LOL) are working by the progress we have made getting into those smaller clothes. And yes, I agree that can be great but it can also be discouraging if they don’t fit yet. You just may not be far enough along the journey for those smaller clothes. I've lost 35 lbs in the last 5 months and only have gone from a 28 to a 26. It would be great if I went from a 28 to a 12 in the same amount of time but that isn’t going to happen. No sense in depressing myself trying to get into clothes that I have no hope of fitting into yet. So, let's just leave those clothes in the back of the closet and talk about those other ones.

You know the ones I’m talking about. The clothes that were tight before you started losing weight. Those that were just small enough to be uncomfortable but you could almost squeeze into them. The pants or tops that didn’t look right anymore even though you could technically get them on…as long as breathing isn’t a requirement..LOL Yeah, you know the ones. I can see you all nodding…LOL

I spent about an hour this afternoon doing just that and I discovered a few things. I have some really great clothes that I didn’t like anymore because they didn’t fit right. Now they actually fit the way they were designed to and they look great. Tops that have bands on the bottom are now loose or just fit correctly across my hips instead of looking like the seams are going to break if I dare sit down. Okay, I admit I do have a few that did rip apart at some point. God Bless my mother-in-law because she is a great seamstress.

I also tried on pants that I didn’t have to lay on the bed to get zipped or move the waist band up and down until I find the right spot where I can just get them buttoned. Then you have to do that weird straight leg stand up so you don’t bend anywhere…because you just can’t. Surprise, surprise. For the first time in who knows how long, all those pants fit as soon as I put them on. ALL OF THEM!! Matter of fact, some were big. Scratch that. The majority of them were big and loose from the get go. I didn’t have to tell myself “Oh well, they will stretch as I wear them.” Now I have to tell myself “I hope they stay up once they stretch out.” And you know that was nice to say. Put a huge smile on my face and yeah, I even (gulp) felt pretty in some of them. I was feeling pretty good when I was done messing around in there.

Try it. Hit your closet and try on some clothes that were a smidge tight. I bet they are looser. And I’ll bet you walk out with a smile on your face. Just stay away from those ones in the back. Those are for later.

Some of My Favorite Foods

Here is a list of the foods and snacks that I've discovered so far on this journey. Most of these have become staples in our house and my entire family is eating them.

Thomas Bagel Thins - A great substitute for a regular bagel. They just cut the middle section out of a bagel so you get all the good crispiness when toasted. They come in Whole Wheat, Everything and Plain. Best part? Only 1 point for the whole bagel. Top it with one wedge of Laughing Cow Light Creamy Garlic and Herb Cheese (another point) and you have a delicious breakfast for only 2 points!!

Special K Red Berries Cereal – 1 cup is only 2 points and it is so delicious!

Oroweat Sandwich Thins - they come in the round bun shape or the long skinny ones called Fill'ems. The long shape is great for hotdogs or big sandiwches. Best part is that the entire bun is only 1 point.

Sara Lee 45 Calorie Bread - you can get two slices of bread for 1 point!!

Edamame in the Pods – a great snack. One cup is only 1 point. Since you have to pop them out of the shell, they take a while to eat and are packed with protein. I get the ones that are lightly salted so it satisfies that snacking bug that wants chips.

Cucumbers – English to be precise. Love, love, love them. Sliced with a little sprinkle of salt, served with hummus or sprinkled with red wine or balsamic vinegar. Delish!!

Hummus – oh, how I love thee!! Great to have with carrots or cucumber slices in place of chips with a sandwich. My favorite? Sabra Roasted Red Pepper…to die for!

Beefsteak Tomatoes – sliced with a drizzle of ranch dressing. I got so sick of salads. This makes the perfect substitution.

Frozen Fruit – I eat a bowl of frozen fruit instead of popcorn sometimes when I watch a movie. It takes a while to eat and usually runs 1-2 points for the bowl. I love the one with strawberries, peaches, pineapple and mango.

Fast Food – Can anyone say Taco Bell? I love their crunchy tacos fresco style. Only 3 points each and you feel like you are being sooo bad…LOL

Salmon – I love salmon!! We usually have it topped with a reduction of balsamic vinegar sweetened with a little honey or brown sugar. Makes a perfect glaze for the fish. Even my 2 year old daughter loves salmon!

Popcorn – Microwave, 94% fat free is only 1 point for 5 cups!! So, the whole bowl is mine, mine, mine!! LOL

Desserts – I love desserts and Weight Watchers Smart Ones Desserts are my favorite. Even my Hubby is eating them all the time. I love the Key Lime Pie (only 4 points) and the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream Sundae…so good!

Skinny Cow Individual Ice Cream Cups – at only 2-3 points each they are a must for any ice cream lover. So good and a perfect portion.

I'll update this list as I make new discoveries and I'd love to hear what some of your favorite foods and snacks. (And my dear Leslie - no chocolate and peanut butter...LOL)

Measuring Cups and Spoons Evil?

I really detest measuring my food. It takes time and is really annoying. But I’ve realized it is a necessary evil for me to reach my goal. As a nation, our idea of a portion of food is on the large side…the really, really large side. We always want the most, the biggest amount.even when it isn’t good for us. I know that Super Sizing at a fast-food restaurant had become second nature for me. I’ve had to relearn what a normal portion of food looks likes and realized that my sense of portion is completely skewed.

For example, a ½ cup of rice looks really small to me and a cup of rice looks really big. Neither of them look the way I think that amount of rice should look. My expectations of each measurement contradict each other. A tablespoon of mayonnaise is so tiny but 2 tablespoons is way too much. And for the record, the spoons you eat with, big and small, are not equal to a tablespoon or a teaspoon like I always thought. Especially if you are piling it up on the spoon…LOL And I know I do that.

And don’t even get me started on the ounce measurement. That one is soooo tricky!! I thought 2 ounces of turkey lunchmeat would be nothing so I would need 6 ounces on my sandwich. I brought out the trusty food scale and realized that 6 ounces of meat was a ridiculous amount to put on a sandwich. That is almost half a pound!! Two to three ounces actually works best. Gives me the thick sandwich I love without straying into the are-you-out-of-your-mind category.

Yes, I have now become the person who measures her food. The measuring cups, spoons and the scale are constantly being used and while it is annoying it is also eye-opening. I find that I am eating much smaller portions now that I can see the measurements. And I think the results speak for themselves, right? As long as I keep losing, I guess I’ll keep measuring.

Fat Paralysis

Fat has a little known side-effect. It paralyzes you. Not just the physical weight of it which can make certain activities difficult but it also feeds on your fear. It makes you want to hide and not do anything. It leaves you afraid of being judged, afraid of being ridiculed, and afraid of being rejected by the world outside for just trying to fit in. And because of this paralysis, there are so many activities that just pass you by.

I was talking to my cousin, Sweet Bippy, about this very subject. She mentioned that she has a list of things she wants to do when she reaches her weight goal (which I’m hoping she will share with us). I thought that was an incredible idea so I started a list of my own.

Here is what I am looking forward to as I get smaller:

• White water rafting - yep, I really want to do it! They offer it in Three Rivers right next to where we go camping.

• Kayaking in Morro Bay - I see people doing this and it looks like so much fun

• Going to Disneyland and riding all the rides without the fear that I won’t fit

• Flying on an airplane (without spilling over the seat) and being able to travel without embarrassment

• Water slides - I really want to take the kids to the water park but I’m too embarrassed right now

• Go-karts – I want to take the kids and go racing

I’m sure there are many more things that I want to do and I’ll keep adding to this list as I think of them. But these will do for a start. Something to strive for…breaking through the Fat Paralysis.

What is on your list?

P.S. – You should check out Sweet Bippy’s blog “Sweet Bippy Cooks” at http://sweetbippycooks.blogspot.com/. My cuz is a fabulous cook and has been since we were kids. I miss her cooking but love having access to her recipes! Love ya Sweet Bippy!!

Hello 10%

Today was my weigh-in day and I’m thrilled to report that I’ve lost 3 lbs this week!! After losing only 1 lb last week, seeing this 3 lb loss made me ecstatic. But the best part is that I’ve hit my 10% goal. Well, actually a little more than 10%. I only needed to lose 34.4 lbs to reach my 10% weight loss goal but I’ve lost a total of 35 lbs.

This means I am I’ve lost 10% of me!! I take up 10% more room when I sit in a chair or on a couch. I am 90% of the woman I used to be…LOL (When I mentioned that to the Hubby he said he still loved me 100%..sometimes he is so sweet!) It is an incredibly awesome feeling. I know I am on the right track and reaching this goal proves to me that I can do this. I not only can but will keep going!!

And yes for all of you who truly know me, I did a happy dance all around the house!! There was just 10% less of me to dance...LOL

Bitter Pill

I know it has been a while since I posted. I haven’t been feeling well for the last few weeks. I was not in the mood to write or basically do anything. I’ve spent every day on the verge of tears and I’ve just been an emotional mess. I am constantly balancing on the edge of this big black abyss known as depression. I know that if I fall, I will disappear into it forever. It’s a scary feeling and I hate it. I’ve stumbled a bit lately which led to an extremely emotional and unhappy me. Basically, I just lost myself for a bit.

But I did make a very important discovery over the last few weeks. I was reading Shape magazine and came across an article where a doctor said that exercise was important in fighting depression. I know in my last post I said I was going to get back into exercising again and I did for a day but I couldn’t get it together to do it again. But after I read that article, I swear you could see the light bulb turn on over my head. I put two and two together and realized that I had become more depressed the longer I went without exercising. My mom also mentioned that I was much happier when I was exercising. And she was right. Not only was exercising good for my overall physical well-being but it was also good for a my mental health.

As a life-long member of the” I Hate Exercise Club” this is a bitter pill to swallow. But the truth is the truth. I need to exercise and not just to lose weight which I’ve always seen as the main benefit of exercising. I need to do it to keep myself mentally and emotionally fit. To help me balance on the edge of that abyss. I’m back to exercising 5-6 days a week using the Wii and the treadmill and I already feel better.

Time to Confess

If you read the prior post, you know I lost 2 lbs last week and reached a total loss of 31 lbs. It is an awesome feat (if I do say so myself…and I do..LOL). But I have a confession to make. I’ve fallen off the exercise bandwagon. I haven’t worked out since we returned from our camping trip over a week ago. I’ve kept saying “tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow”. Sure, I have lots of reasons I couldn’t exercise: my “time of the month” arrived the day after we returned home, I’ve been getting my house ready for visiting relatives, I am jumping through hoops trying to register my son for pre-school, blah, blah, blah. I’ve always been good at coming up with reasons to be lazy. I’ve got that Little Fat Girl inside to help me. She loves to laze around and will avoid exercise at all cost. Even when she knows that I feel better when I do it.

Enough with the excuses. Time to get back to it and you know what, I’m not going to start tomorrow or the next day or the next. I’m going to start today. It’s time to turn it up a notch so I can keep losing, keep getting healthier.

Put on your sweats, Little Fat Girl. It’s time to sweat!!

Broke The 30 LB Mark

Today I reached a milestone. I lost 2 lbs this week which puts me at 31 lbs lost. I have been trying to reach the 30 lb mark for quite a while now but it stayed just out of reach. It was frustrating and making me crazy. The longer it took to reach it the more important it became to me. Isn’t that just about true with anything?...LOL

I realize that 30 may seem like a random number but to me it means that I am truly on my way. It represents my commitment to losing weight and getting healthy. I can’t remember the last time I lost 30 lbs. Well, actually, that is just a figure of speech…LOL I definitely can remember the last time I lost this much weight. It was between 1997-1998 when I lost 87 lbs total. Honestly, do you think I could ever forget being smaller? Could anyone?..LOL I reached my goal back then and losing 31 lbs now shows me I am on the right path. It reinforces my belief in myself and shows the Little Fat Girl inside that I CAN DO THIS!!! It is not impossible. It is not unimaginable. It is not unreachable.

I am One Fat Chick, hear me roar!!! (yeah, I had to…LOL)