Wow...That Hurts

Tonight while I was tucking my beautiful 4-yr old son into bed, he said “You are fat.” My heart broke into ten million little pieces. I know I’m fat. I discuss being fat on this blog all the time. But to have my child say that really hurt.

I started to think about how lucky I’ve been my whole life when it came to having my weight thrown in my face. I wasn’t teased for being fat in school. My sister, who I fought with all the time, never once brought up my weight during any of our fights and trust me, we fought a lot. There was ample opportunity for her to hit me where it hurts. But she never did. I think I was only called “fat” to my face in a derogatory manner once when I was growing up and my response to that was “That’s the best you got? Really?”. Sure, it hurt a little but it was the truth. Calling me “stupid” in a fight would have bothered me more than calling me “fat”.

Ten or so years after I graduated, the wife of a very close friend whom I had grown up with, asked her husband if he ever teased me about my weight when we were kids. He said “No. She is my friend.” That was the entire explanation and that, in a nutshell, explains my childhood in regards to my weight. I was shy and didn’t date in high school because of my weight. But I was lucky enough to have friends who were unbelievably mature enough back then to like me for me and everyone else around us in school just followed their lead. We all know that children can be cruel but, looking back, I didn’t have to deal with that particular cruelty during my childhood and teenage years.

Hearing those words, words I never had to hear from anyone else, come from my own child’s mouth shocked me. I immediately asked him where he had heard this since he had just started preschool. I wanted to make sure that there wasn’t any teasing being done at school. He said he heard it on TV. I was relieved it wasn’t at school and I definitely don’t want him to start saying this to anyone at school. I immediately asked him why he would say that to me and he said he didn’t know. The sad thing is that I know he didn’t know why he said it. He is just now discovering the concepts of “skinny” and “fat” and is using them without fully understanding their social connotations.

I explained to him that Mommy is fat. Mommy does carry extra weight on her that she is trying to lose. I also explained that it is not okay to say things to other people regarding their weight whether they are skinny or fat. It’s hurtful and cruel. I know we are going to have to revisit this topic again. After all, he is only four years old. He hasn’t yet realized the power that words hold.

I don’t want him to be that mean child that makes fun of other kids because of their weight or any other reason they are considered to be not the “norm”. I want him to be better than that. I want him to be like the friend I mentioned earlier. I want him to be the one that simply answers “She is my friend.”