Time Flies

The old saying "Time flies when you're having fun" is definitely true.  Actually, it just seems to fly by whether I'm having fun or not.  It's been almost a year since I've written on this blog or even thought about it.  So much has changed during that time (which I'll get into during later posts) and some things have stayed the same.  Like my weight.  Oh yes, the dreaded "w" word.  I'm at 240 lbs.  Just two lbs less than I was a year ago when I was last here.  Not really encouraging.  Actually, it's pretty depressing.  2 lbs in a year?!!!  That's it?!!  All this working out and that's all I get?!!  How sad.  It's 1 1/2 years after surgery and I'm not at goal.  And I don't have 5, 10, or even 20 lbs to go.  I have 65 lbs to reach goal. 

That little fat girl inside me is alive and well and doing her happy dance.  You remember her, right?  She is the negative part of me that says I will always be fat, I will always be unhealthy, and I will always be a loser.  A great big fat loser. She started jumping for joy in my head because she was right and I was wrong.  I can't do this.  I'll never be able to do this. 

Now I can let her win.  Let her drag me back down.  I can stop working out.  Stop trying to eat right...still working on that one.  I can do that.  Or I can prove the little witch wrong.  Sure, I'm only 2 lbs down from a year ago but you know what else that means?  It means I've kept 104 lbs off for over a year!!  That is a victory.  That is awesome.  I haven't gained it all back plus some like I normally did.  I even got down to 227 at one point and I can do it again.  I'm healthier than I've been in years.  I can move around for 55 minutes doing TurboFire workouts and burn almost 600 calories during that time.  I can jump (both feet off the ground at the same time people!!). I can walk for 2 miles and feel just fine.  I'm heading to Vegas in a week and I'm looking forward to walking all over the strip and seeing the hotels because I can. I can paint my own freaking toes!!  I am able do things I haven't been able to do for years.  I've come too far to let her win.

Yes, I am at the point in my journey where the weight doesn't just fall off.  I have to struggle and believe me, I earn every single pound I lose.  And you know what?  That makes it mean that much more.  Each pound I lose, each size I drop, each time I can move faster, walk farther, all that means that much more because I have to work hard at it.  I am proving to myself and that little fat girl inside that I CAN DO THIS!!  It will take time.  It will take hard work.  This is not an easy journey for the fainthearted.  This is a journey for the fighter inside me.  Not that little fat girl.  She can bite me!