1 lb Gone!

I lost a pound this week and I consider myself very lucky. While I've been exercising, my eating choices haven't been that great. The fact that I lost at all shows me (once again) how important exercise is to reaching my goal. I'm going to add jogging in a couple of times a week when I take my kids to the park. I did it yesterday and while it was a pretty short distance, I just have to remind myself that it is one small step towards my goal. Each week, it will get longer and I will get better.

As for the eating portion, I'm working really hard to get back into the groove when it comes to tracking everything I eat...even the "BAD" things.

How is everyone else doing with their eating habits? Are you all able to keep up with tracking everything? I'd love to hear some tips and stories!

The Corn Maze

This last Sunday we took the kids to the Banducci's Family Pumpkin Patch. What a gorgeous place!! They have pumpkins every where, of course, but they also setup great little areas for photos. We were able to get some fantastic photos of the kids and even a few of ourselves. Yep, I was voluntarily in a few pictures. It's getting a little easier each time. And the best part? Well, I could actually see a difference this time. I could see that I was a little smaller. And what a motivator that is!! Check it out for yourself! The pic on the left is from Christmas 2009 when I was at my heaviest, 344 lbs. The pic on the right is from Sunday after losing 45 lbs. I can really see a difference and maybe taking a picture now and then can be helpful!



We took the kids through the corn maze a few times which is a first for me and quite frankly something the "old" me would have avoided like the plague. I didn't try to avoid it this time and was actually looking forward to it. Something fun that we could do as a family! We let the kids take charge and pick which paths to go down. It was a blast and it will definitely be a new family tradition. And guess what? After 30 minutes of walking in the corn maze , I was the only one who wasn't tired or hurting!!! The kids were tired and hubby said his hips were hurting. Me? I was actually okay. I wasn't tired. Nothing hurt. Pretty damn awesome, huh? I sure was smiling in the car on the way home because I felt really good about me and the progress I'm making. I may be getting there slowly but I'm definitely on my way!

Reality Check

I received some news yesterday that helped me put everything into perspective. If you've been reading this blog, then you know I haven't been feeling all that great lately both mentally and physically. I've been in a depression and staying true to this journey has been extremely hard and trying. I have wanted to quit, to give up, to just throw my hands up in the air and hide in my bed. You have no idea how much I've been wanting to do that.

That is until I received an e-mail yesterday that woke me up. The message was from my Uncle Mike aka Uncle Mugsy. He has been battling cancer and recently found out that it is growing again. This news sucks beyond all belief!! I cried and sent him all the love and prayers I could. And then I started thinking about how amazing he has been throughout this fight.

I first need to explain what a huge impact my Uncle Mugsy has had on my life. He and my father were not only cousins but best friends. He was always around during my childhood and he showed me by example how extraordinary a father and a man could be. He showed me that strength can be paired with kindness. He proved without a doubt that his daughters came first before anything!! And they knew it, those lucky girls. His also showered his nieces with all that kindness and love. He gave me my first pair of diamond earrings when I was 9, he always made Shepherd's Pie when I came over (my favorite dish!!), and even though no one in his house drank milk, he always made a run to the store to get some for me if I was coming over. He listened to me ramble on about my new apartment when I was moving 400 miles from home and he told me how proud he was of me the first time we saw my name in the credits of a TV show I worked on. He has always made me feel special and I've always known that he is there for me no matter what.

That same strength is still shining through during his battle with cancer. He hasn't given up! Despite it all, he is still living his life. He travels to see his daughters and grandchildren. He walks his pup, Penny, every day. He traveled with his daughters to Europe earlier this year for the trip of a lifetime. And he fights. Oh how he fights!!

If he can fight against the big, bad "C", then I should be able to find the strength to fight my battle. I need to crawl out from under the covers, pick myself up and remember what my hero does every day...and FIGHT!!

Love you lots and lots and lots, Uncle Mugsy! Thank you for the example you've always set for all of us when it comes to strength of character, strength of heart and the strength to fight every battle that comes our way!!

Goodbye 300, Goodbye!! AND GOOD RIDDANCE!

I did it! Despite my best efforts, I lost 2 lbs this week and broke 300. I'm so excited and feeling reinvigorated!! I need to stay on track with exercising (which means I've got 4 days left in the week and I have to work out each day) and stay on track with eating.

So, goodbye 300s! I hope I never see your ugly face again!!

Stress+Emotional Eating+Depression-Exercise=Weight Gain

I gained a pound this week. Am I surprised? Not all. Angry? Yes. Disappointed? Yep. Guilty? Oh yeah. Frustrated? Most definitely. But I am the only to blame for this situation. I knew what I was putting in my mouth and I made the choice not to exercise. I’m honestly just surprised I didn’t gain more weight and I should count myself lucky that it was only 1 pound. Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling that lucky lately.

I’m still in a funk. Still not feeling all that great and definitely not liking myself that much. I'm feeling like a loser and this weight gain just confirms it. But I can either wallow in this feeling or try to fight my way out of this black mood.

I've decided to fight it. I'm determined to get back on track when it comes to eating right and exercising. I’ve been reminded by some pretty wonderful people (thank you Mom and my very sweet cousin, Kristina L.) that I feel better when I do exercise. Not just physically but mentally! That exercising helps me battle my depression. It’s probably not a coincidence that the more days I skipped exercising the worse I felt. I’m going to concentrate on getting in at least 4 days of exercise per week and hope that will in turn help me feel better. And if all goes well, that should make eating right easier and stop this downward spiral.

I have already done 2 of my days this week and it’s only Wednesday so I’m on the right track. Hopefully, I can keep it up.

My Whacked Out State of Mind

Believe it or not, I’ve actually done worse this week. I haven’t exercised AT ALL. I mean nothing. Even though I swore up and down I was going to do it, I didn’t. I’ve been a bottomless pit when it comes to food. I can’t seem to get enough and I know I’ve been doing some serious emotional eating. I know what I need to do to get back on track and I can’t seem to do it. I’m so mad at myself! And frustrated! I can’t seem to get into the right state of mind to get moving again. I am finding it extremely difficult to stop this downward spiral. And the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I feel like I’m letting myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and the whole world down. I know that probably isn’t true because in the grand scheme of things, my journey isn’t that important to anyone but myself. But it is how I feel. I’m such a LOSER!! A fat, unemployed loser….sigh.

I’ve been so depressed lately and all I want to do is sleep. Of course the minute I lay down, my eyes are wide open. I have a pretty good idea what is causing all of this: weight loss is moving really slow (which makes me feel like a failure which causes me to want to eat emotionally which leads right back to weight loss moving slowly and the vicious cycle repeats), lack of job prospects (which makes me feel like even more of a LOSER), the ever so wonderful PMS, the financial worries caused by not having a job, feel like a failure as a mother because my son is such a handful and, well, I can go on and on and on. I am a control freak and I feel like my world is ready to fall apart. And I just want to quit…everything.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t really fix any of those things except maybe the food I eat and my exercise. Maybe if I can get a handle on that, then I’ll feel better and everything else won’t feel so overwhelming. I don’t know. I just don’t know….

I ate a good breakfast this morning and logged it like I’m supposed to and I’m planning on re-starting my 6 week challenge on my game today at medium intensity.

I just need to get through today…just today.

Nada, Zip, Nothing, Big Fat Zero

The title says it all. I didn't lose anything this week which means I didn't break 300 like I wanted. I'm really bummed but I don't have anyone to blame but myself. My exercise this week has been sporadic at best. I did exercise 3 days this week but only about 20 minutes on each of those days. I know I need to do better than that. Also, my eating hasn't been the greatest. I've slacked off on keeping track of everything and I need to get back to being as vigilant as I was in the beginning. Not a happy Fat Chick...sigh.