Believe it or not, I’ve actually done worse this week. I haven’t exercised AT ALL. I mean nothing. Even though I swore up and down I was going to do it, I didn’t. I’ve been a bottomless pit when it comes to food. I can’t seem to get enough and I know I’ve been doing some serious emotional eating. I know what I need to do to get back on track and I can’t seem to do it. I’m so mad at myself! And frustrated! I can’t seem to get into the right state of mind to get moving again. I am finding it extremely difficult to stop this downward spiral. And the guilt I feel is overwhelming. I feel like I’m letting myself, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and the whole world down. I know that probably isn’t true because in the grand scheme of things, my journey isn’t that important to anyone but myself. But it is how I feel. I’m such a LOSER!! A fat, unemployed loser….sigh.
I’ve been so depressed lately and all I want to do is sleep. Of course the minute I lay down, my eyes are wide open. I have a pretty good idea what is causing all of this: weight loss is moving really slow (which makes me feel like a failure which causes me to want to eat emotionally which leads right back to weight loss moving slowly and the vicious cycle repeats), lack of job prospects (which makes me feel like even more of a LOSER), the ever so wonderful PMS, the financial worries caused by not having a job, feel like a failure as a mother because my son is such a handful and, well, I can go on and on and on. I am a control freak and I feel like my world is ready to fall apart. And I just want to quit…everything.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t really fix any of those things except maybe the food I eat and my exercise. Maybe if I can get a handle on that, then I’ll feel better and everything else won’t feel so overwhelming. I don’t know. I just don’t know….
I ate a good breakfast this morning and logged it like I’m supposed to and I’m planning on re-starting my 6 week challenge on my game today at medium intensity.
I just need to get through today…just today.
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Musings on journeys and such
2 years ago
6 comments:
Oh Trishie. I won't tell you the standard "everything will be ok" because when I was where you are right now, I didn't want to hear that. I just wanted someone to listen and be shoulder to cry on. I've listened and because I know EXACTLY what you are saying, know that I am thinking of you, praying for you, and knowing that in the end, it will all be ok. I promise. I love you.
Now go walk down to the end of the block and back. There, you've exercised today. ;o)
You're on the right track there ... life is fluid and ultimately we can't control everything ... and really we shouldn't want to because we're flawed and our way is never gonna be exactly right ... take control of the one thing you can right now, your exercise and your diet ... focus on that and let God handle the rest.
Thank you!! You are right. I need to put the rest of it in God's hands and just change what I can.
I'm whacked out too. No job, no self control and feeling like a big loser. Just know that you're not alone. And ditto what my sister said. She's smart. Now, I need to go
Et out of bed and get ready for an interview...
@Leslie - I didn't know about the job situation, Lesie!! I'm so sorry. It's miserable out there right now, huh? Good luck with your interview.
Oh my family....being unemployed or overweight or both does not define us as people. Raise above that and remember WHO you are not WHAT you are. I adore, admire, respect and love the heck out of each one of you...so obviously you're doing something right!
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